This Day to Night

2023.02.22

Mr. Matthew, are you married?—

This time it’s Carlos that’s asking—

But prior—

First Sandy, then Bryan, then Czongar, then Junior, then Chiquito Manuel…

Love is funny. 

You find it when you aren’t looking—

You embrace it within and without—

And the timing of love is so uncontrolled.

On site, the first time someone asked if I’m married, I chalked it up to just conversation. 

The second time, I still felt the same.

But the more I kept being asked—

The more others engaged with the answer—

The more I looked at myself and assessed my own path. 

With a buzzed head of black and still scattered greys, plus now salted beard stubble starting to mix with the pepper, even I question which age I’m at. 

And during an average day on the job—

I’m acutely aware of when, where, and which character switches I choose to flip on. 

Sometimes, people don’t sense that at all—

And all times, that’s the foundational principle of me doing the job. 

Sandy often reminds me to smile—

Then I do smile, telling Sandy that what he sees on my face is just focus. 

Lots falls on my head all the time—

And if I unpacked my whole head on site, thats when I’d pack it all up.  

At work, it’s not that I suppress who I am—

But considering myself, and especially considering whether I’m in tune with myself, I keep returning to two simple questions—

What can I show in each moment—

And what will that show if it’s wrong? 

There was a point in my life where that wouldn’t matter.

There was another point in my life where I couldn’t care—

But in this moment right now—

Things are far beyond truth. 

Thing is—

Things can work out.

Often not always as you’d expect—

But that’s the reality of life. 

If you find love, I believe in that love.

If you do wind up married, I believe in that too.

If you’re at the opposite end—

Things can still change—

And things can be different—

But instead of finding a “this” or a “that”—

Just try opening up —

And see who has you feeling what’s true:

Each every day—

For each other—

We do love one another—

Each loving you more as you. 

Matthew—

Some time in the future—

Don’t forget to shut up. 

From This Day to Night,

Good morning, good day, and good night.